From: Subject: Disappearing Fathers and How FACE's Dad's House Can Stop Them Date: Wed, 6 Jan 2010 15:08:42 -0500 MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: multipart/related; type="text/html"; boundary="----=_NextPart_000_007D_01CA8EE2.2244FCA0" X-MimeOLE: Produced By Microsoft MimeOLE V6.00.2900.5579 This is a multi-part message in MIME format. ------=_NextPart_000_007D_01CA8EE2.2244FCA0 Content-Type: text/html; charset="utf-8" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable Content-Location: http://www.facenj.org/aboutface/00q1/disapear.html =EF=BB=BF Disappearing Fathers and How FACE's Dad's House Can = Stop Them

AboutFACE=20 Newsletter Archives 3D"[FACE FACE New Jersey Home = Page

Disappearing Fathers and How FACE's Dad's House Can = Stop=20 Them

by Jeff Golden , January 2000

As we do each quarter, in=20 December, 1999 we mailed out 2,200 copies of About FACE. About 1,700 of = them go=20 to noncustodial parents and their families; the rest go to legislators, = judges=20 and other public policy-makers. Within three weeks, fifty-one of them = were=20 returned to us by the U.S. Postal Service. Some had new addresses, but=20 twenty-two of them were undeliverable. They were marked "Moved, Left No = Address"=20 or "P.O. Box Closed - No Forwarding Order," and we expect to get back = about=20 twenty more like them.
Having worked with divorced and = disenfranchised=20 parents, FACE has learned they are very mobile. Sometimes about ten = percent of=20 our mailing list has address changes in a single quarter. For some, the = new=20 address is Mom's house or another relative. Some have forwarding = addresses to a=20 Post Office box. These are frequently the disenfranchised fathers not = fortunate=20 enough to have family or friends who can offer them a sofa to sleep on, = and are=20 now living in their cars. Currently, about ten percent of our contacts = have P.O.=20 Box addresses.
But our real concern is the two percent-or-so who just = disappear each quarter. Where did they go? Have uncaring judges kicked = them out=20 of their own homes? Have the pressures of impossible support orders and = being=20 deadbolted out of their children's lives made them just run away? Are = they in=20 homeless shelters somewhere? Are they in jail? These are hard working = people who=20 once paid mortgages and supported families. Are they now scraping out a = living=20 in the underground economy? How can driving their fathers away be, as = judges so=20 often say, "in the best interest of the child?"
Adequate shelter is = paramount=20 to survival. We all know about the publicly funded women's shelters that = will=20 welcome any woman and her children if she comes to them with a sad story = about=20 being abused, or if she just says "I'm afraid," or even only if says she = has=20 nowhere else to go. They will provide food, shelter, information on = applying for=20 welfare benefits, health care and free legal services.
But where can = a=20 displaced husband go? The only similar services for men are homeless = shelters --=20 dangerous dormitory-style accommodations, populated by former mental = patients,=20 drunks, drug addicts and criminals. You have to sleep with your shoes = under your=20 pillow and your money in your shorts to prevent them from being stolen, = and you=20 risk being attacked or murdered in your sleep. Instead of providing a = warm,=20 home-like setting during the day, homeless shelter residents are forced = to clear=20 out at 7:00 AM, regardless of the weather, and told to go look for work. = This is=20 not appropriate housing for someone trying to recover from the stress of = family=20 dissolution, and get back on his feet and on with his life.
One of = FACE's=20 long-term goals is to establish Dad's House -- a shelter for displaced = fathers,=20 with or without their children. Some men, under New Jersey's laws, are = victims=20 of acts defined as "domestic violence," but very few recognize this, and = existing abuse shelters provide no services for men. Some are denied = parenting=20 time with their children because they don't have adequate accommodations = for=20 them. Some have been falsely accused of domestic abuse or substance = abuse by=20 their ex-spouses in an effort to prevent them from getting custody of = their=20 children, and are now required to have "supervised" parenting time=20 (visitation).

The Dad's House we envision would provide services = for all=20 of these fathers. We would provide temporary living accommodations for = displaced=20 men. Some units would be single sleeping rooms; some would be multi-room = suites=20 for fathers with children. The common area would be warm and home-like, = with a=20 kitchen for preparing meals. Fathers and their children could enjoy = their=20 parenting time together there under the supervision of FACE staff, who = would=20 also provide parenting classes, substance abuse counseling, and care for = children while Dad works or goes to school.
What would it take to = make Dad's=20 House a reality? First, we need a building. Ideally, it should be a = large enough=20 to accommodate our plans, in a centrally located residential area, and = near one=20 of the courthouses. Next, we will need to remodel the building for our = proposed=20 use and to meet building codes. Much of this work could be done by FACE. = Our=20 members include carpenters, electricians, plumbers, drywall mechanics, = roofers,=20 engineers, project managers, and all the other trades necessary, and, as = a=20 nonprofit organization, we could get materials and services donated, or = at=20 substantial discounts. And last, we would need to train volunteers to = staff=20 Dad's House, teach classes and provide counseling.
You can help. Do = you know=20 anyone who owns an appropriate building and would donate use of it to a=20 nonprofit organization? Do you know of an appropriately located publicly = owned=20 building? Tell us about it. Does your employer fund similar social = service=20 projects, including women's shelters? Tell us about it, and who in the = company=20 to contact. Are you experienced at writing grant applications? Let us = know about=20 it.
But this doesn't address the needs of the "disappearing fathers" = on our=20 mailing list who need services NOW. If you are one of them, let us know = about=20 that, too. FACE has assisted members in securing affordable housing by = referring=20 them to local social service agencies. Don't disappear. You don't need = to run=20 away. If you are experiencing a housing emergency, talk to FACE.

AboutFACE=20 Newsletter Archives 3D"[FACE FACE New Jersey Home = Page

Copyright 2000, FACE New=20 Jersey

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