From: Subject: Family Court Dracula Date: Wed, 6 Jan 2010 15:02:59 -0500 MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: multipart/related; type="text/html"; boundary="----=_NextPart_000_0014_01CA8EE1.5613BB80" X-MimeOLE: Produced By Microsoft MimeOLE V6.00.2900.5579 This is a multi-part message in MIME format. ------=_NextPart_000_0014_01CA8EE1.5613BB80 Content-Type: text/html; charset="utf-8" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable Content-Location: http://www.facenj.org/aboutface/00q3/dracula.html =EF=BB=BF Family Court Dracula

AboutFACE=20 Newsletter Archives 3D"[FACE FACE New Jersey Home = Page

Family Court Dracula

Stan Rains, September 2000


FACE=EF=BF=BDs Dads House would be a parent and child-friendly center = in which=20 parents can enjoy parenting time with their children, and parents in=20 high-conflict can peacefully exchange their children. This is why it is=20 needed:

If false sex abuse allegations are the "atomic bomb" of custody = battles, then=20 supervised visitation is the Dracula. For a father to visit his children = at a=20 supervised visitation center in my part of the world, it can cost upward = of=20 $300. or more a month. The money is a major drain, but the worst blood = letting=20 is the formalized Parental Alienation efforts of the visitation centers. = Falling=20 under the maxim that "power corrupts and absolute power corrupts = absolutely",=20 visitation centers subject their "client children" and "visiting" = parents to a=20 gamut of demeaning and disruptive bites to the jugular vein.

Children are acutely aware of the ever present, note taking case = workers and=20 of the cameras located every ten feet along the walls. I have seen a = parent and=20 child cling to one another and stare back at the narrow eyed, stern = visages of=20 several caseworkers studying this parent and child clinging to one = another in=20 terror and desperation. They reminded me of two neurotic and traumatized = research monkeys reacting to the observations of white frocked = researchers,=20 conditioned to the fact that these white coated observers had the power = to=20 inflict pain, anguish and even death. With this parent child pair, their = desperate, mutual clinging to one another, seemed to be viewed = negatively by the=20 case workers. The parent and child have not been back to the center, = since. Was=20 that the death of a parent/child relationship. What crime did that child = commit=20 to be subjected to such cruel torture?

Visitation Centers often contract out with State Child Welfare = Agencies.=20 These agencies are concerned with creating cases for the Fed=EF=BF=BDs = bounty money on=20 child abuse cases =EF=BF=BDcreated=EF=BF=BD in each state. Child Welfare = Supervisors receive pay=20 proportionate to the number of case workers beneath them. The number of = case=20 workers for an area are determined by the number of cases = =EF=BF=BDcreated=EF=BF=BD. Child=20 Welfare agencies are known to work with the contractors who assist in = validating=20 =EF=BF=BDcreated=EF=BF=BD cases and who can create new cases. That is a = major cause of the=20 intrusive scrutiny at the visitation centers. Are these contract centers = concerned with the children or the funding? Money and power have an odd = affect=20 on many people.

The demeaning of the "visiting" parent is readily visible from the = minute=20 that a person enters the "secured facility" with armed guards, officious = case=20 workers with their clipboards and with arrogant, domineering managers = with=20 business backgrounds not child development, psychology, or even social = work=20 training. The child=EF=BF=BDs impression is that all of these authority =

figures see Daddy as a serious and dangerous threat. The only time a = child=20 sees this type of security is on TV showing prisons filled with bad = people. It=20 leaves a child with an impression that their love for Daddy is dangerous = and=20 bad, and so is Daddy. And to take it a step further into reality, the = natural=20 progression of a child=EF=BF=BDs self worth is that "if Daddy is bad and = I love Daddy,=20 then I am bad". And they wonder why children of "throw away" dads are so = prone=20 to so many destructive behaviors.

The centers=EF=BF=BD management sets rules to =EF=BF=BDtrain=EF=BF=BD = parents in proper parenting=20 time at the visitation center. This forced, but very unofficial parent = training,=20 is based on a business manager=EF=BF=BDs personal experience and = idealism, not on the=20 recommendations of any professional knowledgeable in parent/child needs = or=20 interactions. The intrusion cuts into the spontaneity and naturalness of = a=20 parent/child interaction.

An even greater stressor on the parent/child interaction is the = knowledge=20 that a poor review by a case worker, who has no formal training, = essentially=20 puts the case worker in the position of complainant, witness, = prosecutor, judge,=20 jury, and executioner of the ability of a parent and child to see each = other.=20 Caseworkers, often young, childless, and generally with little or no = formal=20 education, correct parents and children alike, openly, for all to hear = with=20 their corrections based on personal bias, unresolved issues and = idealism.=20 Caseworkers who dislike a parent will let everyone in the facility know = by=20 broadcasting through glares, tone, stance, and attitude. Children are = very=20 attuned to these things especially from authority figures. Many times = the case=20 workers disapproval is rooted in other than professional reasons, = appearance and=20 social skills seems to be a major factor.

Intense note taking by the case workers are going to develop negative = issues,=20 no matter whether the issues are grounded in reality. These notes are=20 cumulative. So is the effect.

Judges use visitation centers to avoid responsibility. Judges and = attorney=EF=BF=BDs=20 use visitation centers to ameliorate their guilt at taking a = child=EF=BF=BDs daddy away=20 from the child. Judges, attorney=EF=BF=BDs and Child Welfare use = visitation centers to=20 validate their personal agendas more often than the centers are used for = the=20 best interest of a child. The child is the last factor of the = equation.

How long can a parent or child withstand this steady, relational = bloodletting=20 to maintain any kind of healthy relationship. Brad Ingram has written of = a=20 concern of children loosing interest under such pressure and wandering = off with=20 a childhood of rubber stamp visits instead of a childhood of meaningful = memories=20 and experiences with Dad. How long do we have to wait for our children = to be=20 allowed to be children with two parents, not just one parent and a = "visitor"=20 with no anchoring relationship? Is it any wonder that America has more = police=20 per capita than any other country in the world. Is it any wonder that = America=20 has a per capita prison population comparable to the former Soviet Union = and=20 it=EF=BF=BDs infamous Gulag Archipelago? Stephen Baskerville regularly = puts forth the=20 concept that indirectly, and sometime directly, Fatherhood is a crime in = America. If you are a father, you are already a criminal. You just may = not have=20 begun your punishment, yet.

The parent/child pair mentioned above in this letter were a mother = and her=20 daughter. Did parent/child gender change your view or feelings of that = picture?=20 Why? Did gender make it more or less shameful or justifiable? Should any = child=20 or parent, male or female, be subject to this kind of cruel and unusual=20 punishment without any conviction of wrong doing? Is motherhood next to = be=20 criminalized?

Stan Rains is a father from Victoria, Texas. He may be reached at stan@textoner.com.

AboutFACE=20 Newsletter Archives 3D"[FACE FACE New Jersey Home = Page

Copyright 2000, FACE New=20 Jersey

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