From: Subject: Vision for FACE Date: Wed, 6 Jan 2010 15:05:48 -0500 MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: multipart/related; type="text/html"; boundary="----=_NextPart_000_0032_01CA8EE1.BAFED890" X-MimeOLE: Produced By Microsoft MimeOLE V6.00.2900.5579 This is a multi-part message in MIME format. ------=_NextPart_000_0032_01CA8EE1.BAFED890 Content-Type: text/html; charset="utf-8" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable Content-Location: http://www.facenj.org/aboutface/00q3/presmess.html =EF=BB=BF Vision for FACE

AboutFACE=20 Newsletter Archives FACE New Jersey Home = Page

Vision for FACE

David J. Cantera, Jr., September 2000

As our children grow, babies become toddlers, toddlers become = youngsters,=20 youngsters become adolescents, and so life goes on. As with every aspect = of=20 life, things change. So it comes as no surprise that, at some point, = even FACE=20 will change. The time is upon us. Our past president, Michael Fox, has = retired.=20 For almost a decade he and co-founder, Jeff Golden, lead the battle of = fathers=20 who were thrown out of their homes to regain the respect and the dignity = of=20 fatherhood. Their most important battle was to regain their children. =

While it is thought that dad=EF=BF=BDs groups such as FACE are = disgruntled,=20 misdirected family court litigants, that is far from the truth. The = membership=20 is composed of fathers, second wives, grandparents, and even mothers = abused by=20 the legal system. It is not only a gender bias issue any more. Some of = the most=20 active supports of FACE are grandparents who watched their = children=EF=BF=BDs family=EF=BF=BDs=20 start, grow, and then to be decimated by irate spouses abusing the legal = system=20 and the children.

The most common thread of FACE membership is that of being ejected = from the=20 home or from the children=EF=BF=BDs lives by false allegations of = domestic violence,=20 false allegations of child abuse, or other forms of parental alienation = imposed=20 by the =EF=BF=BDcustodial parent=EF=BF=BD. Relegated to a visitor, the = ejected parent had no=20 where to turn, no house to live in, their family ripped apart. No one = can=20 understand the hurt and anguish a parent goes through except another = parent=20 dealing with the same issues. MADD, St. Jude=EF=BF=BDs = Children=EF=BF=BDs Hospital, and=20 countless other organizations were formed in the same manor when adults = are=20 dealt with such a severe blow to their families and there is no where to = turn=20 but to others experiencing the same dilemmas.

In a past life, where woman burned their bras, FACE members = demonstrated at=20 family court or judges houses. Our past president, Michael Fox, put it = very=20 well; "it is coming to an new era. FACE has accomplished it=EF=BF=BDs = goal, in part, and=20 must now change it=EF=BF=BDs focus." Mike is exactly right. Times = change, methods=20 change, people change. Everything changes with time and so must FACE = change. The=20 most important message here is that people learn as time progresses. = FACE must=20 move into a new era, an era where education, mentoring, and fathering = are more=20 the focus.

The tide has turned and fathers and fatherhood are now again being = recognized=20 as important aspects of life. In more than fourteen states and more to = follow,=20 dad=EF=BF=BDs groups have achieved legislation in which the "presumption = of shared=20 parenting" is now the law. Why have we achieved this? National Center = for State=20 Courts reports that juvenile crime is up 59% in the ten year period = 1984-1994.=20 Divorce cases are up 65% in the same period. Teen pregnancies up = dramatically.=20 These are only a few of the many facts which society will have to deal = with as a=20 result of ejecting the father=EF=BF=BDs from the home. This legislation = indicates that=20 society recognizes the importance of fathers and fatherhood. Society is = changing=20 as it always has and always will. Our task now is to keep the pendulum = from=20 shifting back too far and ejecting mothers from the home.

The roots of the current problem stem from a long history of = seemingly minor=20 social shifts. The shift from agriculture to industrialization, for = example, was=20 the first event that moved dad out of the home. This required women to = be almost=20 solely responsible for the children. This eventually led to the = women=EF=BF=BDs=20 movements which then lead to the usurping of the women=EF=BF=BDs = movement by male=20 bashing feminazi and the likes of N.O.W. Well that era has changed. They = have=20 now ejected enough fathers from the home to form a formidable army = against them.=20 They have ejected enough fathers from the home to allow those ejected = fathers to=20 show other fathers still at home how to eject mothers from the home. And = so the=20 cycle comes full circle and that is how you know that the cycle is = destructive.=20

Men all over the world want to replace that viscous cycle and the = false image=20 of fathers, promoted by domestic violence child abuse advocates, with = the real=20 image of fatherhood. Society wants that image changed. Society has = finally found=20 the result of creating millions of single parent homes. Our children are = growing=20 up, learning to become victims themselves of the dysfunctional nature of = a=20 single parent home. Some homes are better off with a single parent, but = that is=20 so far from the normal divorce situation that society need not the = altered view=20 of fathers that is prevalent today.

Our children are growing up with only a half the view of the world, = and the=20 half they do pick up is a misguided other half from an angry or = overwhelmed=20 parent. This is not what we want for our children. It is no wonder the = juvenile=20 crime rates grow steadily. Family court was fueling the effort for over = thirty=20 years.

The new era of fatherhood is a stark contrast to the intense male = bashing and=20 the removal of males from the homes. It is our challenge today not to = let the=20 pendulum swing so far back in retaliation of the current misdirected = women=EF=BF=BDs=20 movement. Children need both parents, both parents need the children, = and the=20 children need the parents intact, and not battle weary from litigation. = Children=20 need their college funds intact, not paid to lawyers, psychologists, = therapists,=20 and the like. They need their college tuition! Parents may divorce each = other,=20 but the children do not divorce their parents.

What children do need is two loving parents working together during = difficult=20 times, showing the children how, even when life throws you a curve ball = as=20 serious as divorce or death, you can overcome the odds and build a new = family=20 life with two loving homes. Children live what they learn. For the = children to=20 learn how to operate in our society, parents need to show love and the = ability=20 to work through tough issues.

This is the new era which FACE must operate in. FACE is quickly = moving from a=20 parent-oriented organization to a family-centric organization, while not = loosing=20 focus on the idea that the parent molds the child. The parent must be = whole to=20 positively effect the child=EF=BF=BDs view of life. FACE will no longer = focus solely on=20 the parent=EF=BF=BDs needs. FACE will not even be shortsighted and focus = on only the=20 children=EF=BF=BDs needs. FACE will focus on the broader horizon of the = family=EF=BF=BDs needs.=20 It is this vision which I hope to bring to FACE, guiding FACE into the = next era=20 where the idea of fatherhood and fathering is to mentor the generation = of men=20 and women who were raised in single parent homes and only had a half = view of=20 life.

For FACE this means turning our efforts to education. The newly = appointed=20 Executive Director is charged with locating a facility which will be = able to=20 reach out to families currently involved in high conflict litigation so = that we=20 can offer a parenting center separate and apart from the courthouse. A = center=20 for drop off and pick up, a center for supervised parenting. The = Executive=20 Director will also be directing others to obtain course materials and=20 instructors which bring parenting courses, conflict resolution courses, = and=20 other family values back to the forefront of our community. As fathers, = we must=20 show by example. Our children will learn from our example.

I look forward to bringing FACE into this new era and ask that any = assistance=20 you might be able to provide be done with total abandon. Our children = need our=20 help. If you think that it cannot happen to your child, that you are not = involved in divorce or you will never get divorced, then think again. = Family=20 court, the antics of N.O.W. and the false picture that society has of = men as=20 abusers have put millions of children in the high-risk category. Have = you looked=20 into the background of your teenager=EF=BF=BDs friends or potential = lovers? Did the girl=20 your son is dating have a father figure? Is she capable of having a = relationship=20 with a male? Is she susceptible to teen pregnancy? Is her mother capable = of=20 having a relationship with a man? Did the boy your daughter is dating = have a=20 father figure? These are all questions we don=EF=BF=BDt want to ask, but = they are=20 becoming more important than the issue of drugs, and our children = don=EF=BF=BDt know the=20 right questions to ask when it comes to relationships and personalities. = The=20 most important questions are not realized until after your children are = married=20 with two kids and the word divorce comes up. Then its "Too late folks!", = as=20 Michael Fox would say.

Society is changing. Our parents were not prepared for what happened. = Will=20 you be able to prepare your children? Support FACE and learn about what = your=20 children will have to look for in a partner and a mate. To be sure, = divorce is=20 every bit as devastating to children as drugs, alcohol, HIV, and school=20 violence. If you cannot support FACE actively with your time, then = please=20 support FACE with your generous tax deductible donations. Help us = uncover the=20 tools to help you educate yourself and your children on the new = generation of=20 issues society will have to deal with. Only you can save your child from = the=20 devastation of divorce ... Support FACE; be a PARENT!

David J. Cantera, Jr.

President

AboutFACE=20 Newsletter Archives FACE New Jersey Home = Page

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