From: Subject: Why No One Is Married Date: Wed, 6 Jan 2010 15:05:39 -0500 MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: multipart/related; type="text/html"; boundary="----=_NextPart_000_002D_01CA8EE1.B595A730" X-MimeOLE: Produced By Microsoft MimeOLE V6.00.2900.5579 This is a multi-part message in MIME format. ------=_NextPart_000_002D_01CA8EE1.B595A730 Content-Type: text/html; charset="utf-8" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable Content-Location: http://www.facenj.org/aboutface/00q3/no1ismar.html =EF=BB=BF Why No One Is Married

AboutFACE=20 Newsletter Archives 3D"[FACE FACE New Jersey Home = Page

Why No One Is Married

Ed Truncellito, J.D., September 2000


Marriage today is no more than "registered cohabitation" because = no-fault=20 divorce was misinterpreted as "no cause and no proof" divorce. If you = can=20 divorce without true cause--then you were not truly married in the first = place.=20 You were merely cohabiting, as in ages past, regardless what name = it=EF=BF=BDs=20 called.

You could always walk away from a disagreeable cohabitation, but = marriage was=20 defined in its protection by law. You couldn=EF=BF=BDt get out of a = marriage just=20 because you wanted out. You had to have true cause: abuse, adultery,=20 abandonment, or the like. And not only cause, but genuine proof of = it.

When the well-meaning no-faulters tried to take adversarialism out of = the=20 divorce process, to make it friendly, it failed. The door swung wide = open to "no=20 cause and no proof" divorce. Meanwhile, adversarialism went right back = into the=20 property and custody battles.

The old "fault" laws needed overhaul to bring spousal equality, and = to make=20 the system friendlier, but no-fault=EF=BF=BDs "no cause and no proof" = divorce,=20 administered by warring lawyers, was the wrong implementation. The law = should=20 have required that spouses be taught how, and helped, to settle = differences as=20 co-equals, to deliberate justly and fairly, with self-control, while = honoring=20 their partner and the vows they made for a permanent union.

Beforehand, almost any man could rule his wife and settle disputes by = physical force. But spousal equality demands at least a little = education, a=20 working knowledge of civilized diplomacy and reasoned compromise -- for = both=20 genders.

The no-fault laws did not train the partners to solve any problems. = The laws=20 simply -- and grievously -- empowered the courts to settle all their = disputes=20 for them, in one grand sweep, by divorce, no matter how whimsical or = trivial the=20 disagreement. No-fault did not elevate the status of wives as co-equal = family=20 managers. It lowered the status of both spouses, while it elevated the = courts as=20 the new, and not-so-charitable, family managers.

The no-fault divorce system, as implemented, funded divorce. It = channeled=20 money from troubled families to divorce lawyers, now at hourly rates in = three=20 digits, in exchange for dividing children and property. The = court=EF=BF=BDs officers=20 were hired and paid to terminate marriages, not to save them.

The no-fault legal system, as envisioned, was to be a family = hospital, to=20 comfort the hurting spouses and bandage the wounded marriages. Instead, = it=20 became a family morgue. It promised to give relief from the former = hostilities=20 of the "fault" legal system, but it became more hostile than ever.

Reconciliation dollars, facilities, and assistance were promised, but = they=20 never materialized. A generation and a half later, we know that the = experiment=20 did not work as planned.

In truth, our no-fault laws, as implemented, abolished true marriage. = After=20 many years of no-fault, we no longer even respect the solemn covenants = that=20 partners make between themselves and God. Instead, we respect the solemn = covenants that lawyers make between themselves and a judge.

Although cohabitation is handicapped in many ways, it unfortunately = has one=20 important advantage: ordinary cohabitation keeps government out of the = home. In=20 contrast, the registered cohabitation that we still call marriage = invokes the=20 jurisdiction of government officers. They receive authority to manage = the lives=20 of both spouses and their children with legal force.

No wonder people cohabit. No wonder we have so many broken homes. = Partners=20 can walk away from the slightest inconvenience, at any time, with court=20 assistance. They don=EF=BF=BDt ever have to conciliate, or swallow their = pride and say=20 they are sorry, or try to please anyone but themselves.

When divorce was made into a guaranteed certainty, it became an easy = way out=20 of hard times. Partners knew they would no longer be pressed by = embarrassing=20 questions about covenants and faithfulness, as they moved on to their = next=20 cohabitation. Nor could they be stopped.

The fundamental attribute, the unique defining characteristic, the = earmark,=20 that always distinguished true marriage from cohabitation, is legal = security --=20 protection by law -- protection by divorce law.

Today, that protection is gone. Genuine proof of true cause was = always=20 required for divorce, and anything else -- but that -- should have = changed in an=20 overhaul of divorce law.

It is one thing to let spouses decide, without intrusion, for their = own=20 private reasons, whether to live together, or to live apart = indefinitely. But it=20 is another thing altogether, for government not to question the cause, = when=20 government has already intervened, when government is asked to destroy a = marriage, totally and permanently.

The legal security of true marriage cannot be a chain. But neither = can it be=20 a thread. It must be a sturdy fabric, a flexible but tough canvas, to = weather=20 the gales of life.

That=EF=BF=BDs why true marriage is so secure and stable for mates. = When spouses=20 cannot easily shake off their yoke, they soften it by mutual = accommodation. In=20 other words: spouses don=EF=BF=BDt stay together because they get along; = they get along=20 because they stay together.

And that=EF=BF=BDs why true marriage is so secure and stable for = children. True=20 marriage is underwritten by law. Children can rest assured that no = passing storm=20 will carry either of their parents away. They know that the whole force = of=20 government stands as a benevolent guard to protect their homes and both = of their=20 providers.

We are not in the midst of a divorce crisis. It is a marriage = crisis.

No one is married, and no one can marry. The right to marry was taken = away.

The happy voices of the bride and the bridegroom are gone from our=20 land.

Attorney Ed Truncellito spent over 1,500 hours researching the = legislation=20 that created "no-fault" divorce in Texas in 1969. He found that the law = was=20 meant only to apply to uncontested divorces. He has filed suit against = the State=20 Bar of Texas, alleging that they, like the tobacco industry, covered up = what=20 they knew to be a destructive product, and that the State Bar knew all = along=20 that the no-fault law was being misapplied but covered it up for = financial gain.=20 See Mr. Truncellito=EF=BF=BDs website at www.no-one-is-married.com. His = email address is=20 no_one_is_married@juno.com= (use=20 underscores).

AboutFACE=20 Newsletter Archives 3D"[FACE FACE New Jersey Home = Page

Copyright 2000, FACE New=20 Jersey

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